Dear Diary, Not only did the trip made it out of the bucket list it made it out of the group chat! A year and some months after my first time transiting in TO. It was hands down the best experience and i would do it again in a heart beat (probably will)
One thing no one prepares you about moving across the globe is leaving your friends, your tribe behind, and the worst case scenario is not having people to up and go on trips with, i mean don’t get me wrong i was lucky enough to move, settle in and make a good community of people and i am grateful for them. However the like hood of one to up and go is less likely, people have responsibilities especially with relocating that’s already an expense on its own, being a student and going back to school is the icing on top and finally the timing, it is really rare to align between school, responsibilities, some having work and families, and alas that is how i ended up on a solo trip to HALIFAX on a student friendly budget but an adventure waiting to happen.
Halifax was one of the many places on my list of places I wanted to visit. At one point I and a friend planned it but it never really worked out so this time around I thought before summer ended this was a trip I needed to make. Like everyone i started off searching ” things to do in halifax” and narrowing it down to realistic ideas and affordable ones too. Here are a few ins and outs i came out with
Get a city pass, it could be a day, two days or three worth of activities, https://www.experiencepass.ca/ i had time narrowing down where i would like to go and also choosing places close enough since i had a short stay. Coming across the experience, the Halifax website solved all the where and what of things, i got to pay a decent amount to be able to do some of the most anticipated activities hands down. The website had a variety of places to visit including different kinds of museums, art gallery, Citadel national historic site, HMCS Sackville, Amos Pewter, George Island and many more.
I decided on a few and made an Itinerary
Waterfront
The views, the water, the boat, the restaurants, the people, the breeze oh i loved every bit of it. In a way it reminded me of home, it was calm, they played good music, people danced by the water, it was beautiful, I would recommend a trip here if anything just appreciate the peace that comes with it.
Art gallery of Nova Scotia
Okay i am such a lover of art galleries not to say that i am an art enthusiast i doubt i know better than the next person however i have always loved the galleries, seeing peoples talent and passion displayed that way is always mind blowing, there is so much that goes into creating that i truly appreciate and envy. So whenever I have a chance I love to visit an art gallery and this one was worth the visit. There was so much work from everywhere and mainly local artists, it was beautiful to see, I would definitely recommend a visit whenever you are in the area
Maritime Museum of Atlantic
Now this was something of a highlight for me, i had visited the Resurgo Place in Moncton and it was interesting to see the history and growth of the transportation discovery, and so this added to that. To see how the maritime industry has since evolved, developed and grown over the centuries was such a wow factor. My favourite part was the Titanic exhibition of course. Just knowing that I was in the area where one of the lighthouses was involved felt like being between rose and jack , “hey if you know you know”. I would vouch for this museum anyday, it’s such a highlight.
Peggys Cove
I was saving the best for last but who am i? I am writing this piece almost a year after i traveled and even now i can feel the way i felt in the present moment. Peggys Cove was a dream, i loved it ever so much, for one i had received postcards long time ago from my dad and some where lighthouses all over the world and i remember seeing Peggys cove in them, i also read in several novels about the village and the lighthouse and to be there in same village i have read of just warmed my heart. The feeling is one I will never be able to word. It was so beautiful, the people were warm and friendly, the views were everything. If you have one day in Halifax I would say it is worth spending it in Peggys Cove.
Yacht party & Night life
Inserts “minister of enjoyment, intercontinental, monumental….” if you cant relate then go listen to Laho-Shalli popi, So as we all know me and enjoyment go together real bad, and the best way to windup my trip was this yacht party. Initially i was going to joining a sail ship but i run late and then this was an options nd i thought why not? So here we were in a yacht full of strangers and me. A few drinks on a yacht and beautiful views later, the music was banging the dj understood the assignment, i danced and met a few good souls out on solo trips and it was a memorable yacht experience that of course followed up with exploring and experiencing the Halifax nightlife, being that you travel solo you are more aware and don’t let yourself too loose but that never stopped the fun i won’t lie.
While i was lucky to do all the things i managed to squeeze in 2 nights three days, i also had a few things I didn’t get to do, but I would have given the chance such as The tallman Cruise, Wine tasting, explore the beaches, visit George island and many more, there is always a next time and i might tick these off
The one thing I also would choose differently is my accommodation preferences. Air bnb has always come to the rescue as compared to hotels and the like not only is it affordable but also there is an easiness and homelike nature with it, i would admit that this pick was not the best one out there, i didn’t want to be so alone but also hotels seemed like such a reach and so i opted for this, the location was great so i can get an uber for a few minute into everywhere i needed to visit and especially since we all know i wanted to explore the night life. I was already anxious and scared enough to travel alone so this was the best bet
Overall one of my best experiences hands down, I would recommend and even solo. While i am certain that I am more of a group traveler, I believe if things do not align with others don’t stop your joy, book a flight, bus, train, plan a trip and pack your bags, adventure waits for no one and you can always meet other solo travelers.
When this post goes up i would have turned 31, oh what a life, what a journey, what a blessing…
Two years ago i turned 29 and let me tell you it came with so much emotions i had no idea where from and even then if you asked me if i would be where i am today i would say you are taking a piss . Last year i turned 30, graduated my Masters, quit my job of over 4 years, moved across the continent to follow a passion i have since longed to and here we are today, a year after all these massive changes and after experiencing life on a whole different level, i can say i LIVED.
I don’t know what it is about birthdays that is both emotionally overwhelming but also at the same time very fulfilling, its like your body really feels the growth and shift that happens in that change and its either holding on to the former year being scared of what the next would bring but also embracing all the possibilities, me and a friend spoke about this once when she said she always has the urge to cry uncontrollably on her birthday, and i said me too girl i have long released myself from the need to explain i just say its my body washing away the year and all the things it came with. The thing about birthdays is, oddly you already know you turn older every year and if you are me then you know you have been fussing over your birthday pretty much since September (don’t judge me i am a Scorpio after all, however this year was really filled with so much anxiety i am ashamed to say there was no fussing about birthdays) but somehow the closer it gets its as if it truly hits you or like internally there is this invisible shift that i cant even seem to find the words for at all but it all goes down to gratitude being positively overwhelmed with joy, laughter, love seeing how far i have come and just being in total awe like look at God hey.
I wanted to write down some of my discoveries as i turn 31, as an ode to the little girl in me, the teenager that had to outgrow so much and the 20 year old that really tried because without them this 31 year old would not be, hope you enjoy and can relate one way or another….
God really does love me deep.
Other peoples expectations of you shouldn’t define you
You are the author to that blank page so do you and do it your way and its okay to occasionally erase restart boo
Live a little, who am i kidding live alot
We all hit walls at times whats important is knowing its not the end
Knowing whats for you and accepting it and what’s not and denying it is your power
Just because you love them to a fault doesn’t mean you have to have them. a heard hurtful truth,
Anything that comes between you and who you truely are your values morals is NOT WORTH IT
Not everything you deserve is meant for you
You can love on someone from a far
You find your drive and sometimes you loose it n thats okey find it again
Friends are actually soulmates
We loose touch at times with things n people dear to us it doesn’t mean either of us is wrong its just that growth is undefined at times
Loving every inch of you can also mean trying to fix yourself to perfection it doesn’t mean you don’t accept you it means you want to be and do better
Self discipline is HARD but vital
The saying “Life actually begins at 30” is a Fact
There is so much more to you just dig dipper
You are definitely not for everyone and that is okey
Never mistake growth for settling
You could be calm, collected and still a mess occasionally & i love it
We all have days we think we have it figured out & days we have no clue and that’s not the end of the world
The older i grow the more i find deeper meaning in the things that i love to do and enjoy them to the fullest
Boundaries are what God gave man to improve their mental space
Parents will shock you
Adulthood is calling a meeting with yourself to check yourself or pat yourself on the back
Life can start a fresh at any point
Learning is one thing but relearning is another
Give yourself some grace, be kind to yourself
Love as you get older can look exactly like you envisioned it in your teens or could be the opposite but both options are still possible realities, you can either accept it or just decide that is not the reality for you. Everyone’s reality does not have to be your reality
You are your best cheer leader and as much as that true, in the same breath, you could be your worst critic
New tribes can be formed at any point in life what’s even better is they meet you at where you are not at where you could have been in the past or future.
I have been writing and storing things on drafts for so long, mainly because this year has been such a blur this far, i cant find the words to best describe it and maybe some day i will. Lately i have have found myself to be so blunt, uninterested, uninspired, passion lacking and while before it was this and being busy with school and its demands, this past week or so i have found myself with so much time in my hands and still couldn’t bring myself to do the things i enjoy like to write. I had a conversation with Gelo yesterday, and it somehow led to blogging again and possibly youtube -to which i said anh no, my thoughts are too loud i wouldn’t be able to take stuff back- but it also had me look within as to why i just haven’t done one of the things that gives me so much joy, fulfillment and purpose. Not just with blogging, i have been dragging my reading as well, there was a time a few months ago, i pushed myself and thanks to Julia Queen made it to almost my old self but then now i am baby sitting a book even with the time in my hands. Which is so unlike me.
So after the little corner meeting i called with myself i did realize when certain aspects of my life are uncertain, pending or feel like are out of my control i tend to lean more into my anxious state that then takes away from the cup of purpose, finding joy in the things i enjoy, its a sad realization especially when i always pride myself in finding ways to just be me but sometimes life happens hey and that is okay. Now don’t get me wrong, there is no shame in processing things however one is accustomed to, some things are new to me even at 30 i realize that i am always growing and some days that is all good and i embrace it and other days its a little harder. In conclusion to the talk i had, i then said God let the universe give me a sign, some mental push tomorrow so i can write, it could be good weather so i get to seat outside or it could be a nudge and voila! It has been raining day and night for the past few days, i woke up to some sunshine- the kind that looks like its bright and meant for you, but it wont last long because that was not in the plan, i smiled to myself, started off a slow day, made some late breakfast Carol style, sat outside and started typing and here we are…
I can not say for sure that this will kick start me into being me but i do hope its a step towards the right direction. So here is to me feeling like i just might go back to do this again, here is to me being kind and nice to myself and extending grace, i may or might not tap into my drafts and make magic out of them, i may just write as often as i possibly can, i just might do the things that i absolutely love and enjoy including writing this blog that i started in my 20s on a journey quite as similar to the one i am going through now, it started as a journey to passion, adventure, memories haring and i hope it proceeds that way or dare i hope even more ….
I have long longed to travel to the Kenyan coast for a while, having stayed in Nairobi as i attended my Masters, I always thought one of these holidays I would make a trip to the coast. It has been on my bucket list for a long time, but then traveling as as a student its next to impossible as we can all attest and life sort of has its own plans despite what we plans and so it remained an item on my bucket list. As luck would have it, a full circle moment came in this July, I had to make a trip to Nairobi to finalize my Masters more like paper work and thought this would be a great time to tick off this one item off my list.
Diani
Travel…
First leg of the trip started off early morning catching the SGR in the midst of a riot, I promise you it was no fun at all however its as if the universe knew and aligned things to work on the way they did. The train ride, though not my first one, was easily my best one yet. Within the 6 hours it took us to arrive, I got to reading and looking at the views on the way there to fill the time. On arrival at the station in Mombasa, we got transport to head to Diani and about an hour and a little more later we arrived at our destination. We had booked an Airbnb months prior and the joy of it looking exactly as it did on the app, was just everything. The service was neither here nor there so I wouldn’t mention it however the place was nice.
Dinning experience…
On the first night we had booked to dine at the famous Ali Barbour’s Cave Restaurant which i had seen a few months back from an IG post and loved, i happen to have a habit of saving spots i would love to visit for future use and this was one of those. The views were straight out of a movie, it takes you back in time and still gives you a feel of Greece, on first glance you would be hooked. On arrival, it really met my expectation, the scenery was absolutely gorgeous, it was around 6 so the sun was setting and the open cave gave you that view of the sky that was just magnificent and the evening settled in wit a clear blue sky and the lights in the cave came to life it was just beautiful. The food was also great, we had garlic oven baked oysters which were nice but my favorite was the main platter we shared with juicy steak combinations just wow and to top it off the cocktails were a 10/10. I would easily go back, again and again, for the food the scenery and the drinks, its got a romantic intimate vibe to it but don’t wait up on a partner to experience it i would say be it a girls trip, friend-cation or a solo-cation, this is place to experience.
Day two we had lunch at Salty squid Kenya a fun spot that is by the beach attached to a hotel and an antique feel to it. The menu was fun the cocktails were popping and colorful, the feel of the beach breeze and chatter all around you, good music and just being there was all great. Tried their garlic prawns for starters and goodness they were yummy, we both had chicken dishes creamy cheesy and mushroom, all delicious.
And our last dinner on the last night was at a fun spot, Apero’s Bar and restaurant, it was nice and calming, located by a shopping mall where in the night as shops closed the dinning tables extended to the doors of these shops, it gives a nice feel to shop and eat during the day yet good music and dining experiences at night. We had a seafood pizza and some more prawns because why not?
Beaches…
Serenity
the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil…….
We all know the beaches in Diani are a sight and then some, with clear water and white sands they are as lovely as ever. I am not such a fish really, so I played it safe and swam more in the pool at the Airbnb than the beach really but getting to dine by the beach and then having a picnic by the beach at sunset was enough for me to experience the waters. Diani is warm but the feel of the breeze was more tan welcome since it was always sunny when we were there. I have often said I find so much peace by the beach, the way the sky and the edge of the water meet is just extraordinary, it shows how God truly is present in everything and how wonderful he is because who else would curate such surroundings? I also find so much calm and Zen like I can hear my inner thoughts in a calm manner just peaceful.
Mombasa
All the experiences….
The trip to Mombasa was more on a calmer side, after checking out we got to the road. During our stay in Diani we had befriended an amazing Uber driver, George. He was quite nice, not much of a talker but was interested in our Swahili and he came through a few trips we ordered on uber so we decided to ask him to drive us out to Mombasa. The ferry ride was also quite nice, we didn’t have to get out of the vehicle this time as opposed to our drive towards Diani and in a few minutes we had crossed over.
I got to seeing the slow way the city and its people are moving, its definitely giving coast vibes. We arrived at the Airbnb we were staying at and I must say this was my favorite place. Unlike Diani, this was a shared apartment, however when we arrived it was earlier than we were supposed to yet the host was kind enough to let us check in early. The apartments were nice, white with a finishing and decoration I can only describe as coastal. Serene, quite, with the view of the ocean rim from afar and the taste and smell of the ocean and salt in the air. We quickly checked in and then went to look around, they had more than one pool in style with a little bridge like in between, they had a gym and souvenir shop. The path behind the pool led to a view point where you could easily see the ocean and some side steps looking like your in ancient Greece that led to the beach, just beautiful.
Moorings, the revolving restaurant
After a long nap, yes that’s what you do when your pushing 30 or almost, you nap before any shenans, try it and thank me later…. We made our way to Moorings, we had researched it and mentioned it to our host who vouched for it. We wanted to join a cruise but since it was just the two of us that was impossible, we did however enjoy a good lunch by the revolving restaurant, truthfully I was lowkey stressed at first, but a few cocktails later I was good.
Aye Aye Captain,
The most memorable thing was the boat ride, since we couldn’t join a cruise we were lucky to go on a smaller boat, sailing to watch the sunset on the creek, there I was in the middle of it all with the sun hitting my face, the wind blowing softly and in so much peace and content. I have often said I feel the most peace when I am by the water, for me its just a moment of Wow God did all this and made it possible for me to experience it WOW! after stopping for a beautiful sunset moment right next to the old Kenyatta family estate which was enormous, we sailed back and the captain let take turns in riding back, such an adrenaline rush moment and one i will never forget.
A trip to the one mall in Mombasa was way overdue, we took a trip there it was a little late so most shops were closed however we roamed around, the plan was that then grab food go back to their airbnb then go out, but lo and behold while we were looking around we found ourselves in a lounge on the top floor so as the saying goes “Mombasa raha” we sherehed till late and shout out to Edwin the Bajaji guy.
Wild waters adventures
The next day was a short one yet long, it was our last full day in Mombasa but then the effects of going out and about were showing. We had a nice warm afternoon at Wild Waters screaming our lungs out taking life threatening dives and swirls from tunnels as high as 3 meters, I am not sure what we were thinking!! The rain was what we needed after that but it didn’t spoil the fun, by the time we made it back to the Airbnb we were spent and a nap did save the day as usual.
Fort Jesus, Mama Ngina Drive, The famous Tusks & Street Food Bliss
Later that evening me, Hilda and Edwini took to the streets of Mombasa, we had a few minutes of visiting and learning all the history at Fort Jesus, not enough time honestly but i was excited regardless. Anyone that knows me knows my love for everything old history tales books antiques art, you name it, our guide was kind enough to take us through the important bits in such a short time, we got to also see the views from the highest point overlooking the ocean, beautiful just beautiful
We later made our way to Mama Ngina Drive, which was packed by the time we go there, when i say packed i mean humans, camels, horses, cars, ice cream bikes you name it… We then did a street food run right after that, I mean wo doesn’t love street food. Its giving Forodhani ya Zanzibar but not just all in one place like in Zanzibar which I think is genius btw, but regardless everything slapped. Then came the famous Mombasa Tusks, yes we went hunting them down I mean how else would I explain to my villages that i came all the way to Mombasa and didn’t see them ohh (its giving tourist but I dontcareeee)
Last stop that evening was food and vibes, we made it to Char-choma, a bar grill lounge vibe by te beach which did not disappoint at all. You get to choose what you want by visiting the butcher there and making your fresh order, we had a little bit of beef, chicken, prawns it was all just yummy, my mouth watered while i wrote that. Listened to music drank some Tusker ciders and just lived a little in the moment
Goodbyes Mombasa….
Our last day was bitter sweet, we got up and packed ready to checkout. Had a last stroll by the beach and a good swim before goodbyes, something along the lines of washing away all the city wahala! We had lunch plans before catching the SGR back to Nairobi. Seafood farewells at Sea Haven restaurant, a cozy family like spot that ha d the ocean view from a good angle. There is something a little guilty about eating seafood by the ocean but oh well man must chop, body no be firewood…
Just like that the coastal trip I have been wanting to take for ages, came and it was now time to say goodbye. I had a lot of still moments in this trip and just being grateful and in the moment. I look forward to the next time I visit the kenyan coast especially the places I have not been like Watamu, Kilifi, Lamu just to name a few.
“……I met this girl, when I was ten years old And what I loved most she had so much soul She was old school, when I was just a shorty Never knew throughout my life she would be there for me…..”
When I started writing this, these lyrics came to mind, so for the record that was “I used to love h.e.r“ by Common, which is a classic, if you know you know, although what really comes to mind is a scene on the movie, Brown sugar and that was one of my favourite movies of all time . These lyrics are what my relationship with Nairobi is, i have been a few times when i was younger, say maybe a little over ten years old so to speak since my sister went to school there and my mom visited Nairobi for work and carried me with her.
However my first impressionable memory of Nai was when i got to travel with a friend right after high school for her cousins wedding, a seven day long wedding and it was bomb. This was definitely a good trip one that left me with fond memories till date some of the reggae or dancehall jams i love are from that time..
Over the years, I visited it more and even attended University there for almost two years of my post grad, I created more memories made friends had more experiences and each time I go back I have this feeling that I can not really put to words, its whole and filling, its good vibes great energy, its good sheng and even better times, good people, good spots from the eateries to the clubs, games parks, shopping malls oh I could go on and on..
When the year started i remember saying some of the things i wanted to do this year and one of them was that i want to travel again, go to new places or revisit old places religiously and really have memorable times. As luck would have it i had started the process of finalizing my thesis and some of that required me to go to Nairobi physically and so there was that little opportunity the universe said, lets gooooo. The fact that i get to relieve these moments and that i get to share Nairobi through my eyes and those experiences with my friend is something that i do not take for granted at all.. Some of my good friends are from Nairobi, we either met there or elsewhere and remained tight and i hold them dear.
So here is my little letter to Nairobi, the city that awakens me and the joy of life, you have been a part of me for so long, thank you for always being magical and giving me the best memories.
Nairobi, will always feel like home away from home, i will always find my way back and explore more of it & places closeby
My oh my, if the fact that its taken me till end month to actually write up on the new year is not telling enough then I don’t know what is. Where do I even begin? I promised myself that I will start writing more often I even had a blog post for my birthday but somehow life just happened and one day the year was gone and my draft was still seating there looking at me like what’s up? I wish I would say I promise to do better and more writing but life just keeps happening so fast hey, so I wont make no promises however I will do the best I can because I love and enjoy this….
So first things first, me and Hilda welcomed the New Year on air and let me tell you it was absolutely amazing. At first we both had our reservations about it I mean ideally new years for me is new beginning and oh how i love the idea of watching fireworks when the new year comes in it is both refreshing and beautiful to watch and somewhat symbolizes a fresh start. But everyone knows that getting reservations and a spot to welcome the new year and watch fireworks in Dar is always such a hustle, so as much as I was looking forward to going to Dar not only for a breather that I deserved but also one of my closest friend was tying the knot. So last minute tickets where unavailable hence why we got one that meant the new year would find us on air. Despite dreading it at first, it was absolutely great. The pilots had a countdown, people on the flight were all cheery and in a festival mood and even better I got to watch fire works from the sky and my oh my was that absolutely beautiful. I knew for a fact i was going to have a great year.
I will definitely share recaps from last year, but now I just want to share all of my hopes for the new year, habits and relationships I am willing to adapt and those I am willing to let go, bucket lists and lord knows my gratitude bucket is really over flowing guys I know its just been January but wah!
What I would like to leave behind
Okay so I am not saying that I will for sure leave behind, however I think I have realized that some of the things I practice or dealt with last year or in the past, no longer serves me so I am open to dropping them and picking up better habits, relationships and the like. I remember speaking to some friends on new years and asking what’s one thing they would like to eave behind and one thing they want to do more and this is where I really thought about mine. I have a good/bad habit of over investing in people say friendship and hear me out I love the bond we have with friends it is one that is just out of this world really, however sometimes when these friendships are more one sided they take a toll on you, so I decided I want to stop being over available over understanding over stretching especially if it gets to me in any way, so whatever I do if I do it and don’t feel stretched thin then I have no problem but those that feel like Caroline calm down I really am not doing again! I also would like to drop the bad habit of over investing in relationships what so ever be it family be it romantic I really want to know my place in someone’s life and stand there, I realized sometime is expect so much from people because I do it, truth is they don’t owe me nothing just because I would break and arm and leg doesn’t mean they should too and as hard as that is its the truth.
I would like to stop procrastinating, ugh don’t we all just hate this. I have so many things that I set out to do and then keep saying next week next month next year, I have a Masters dissertation I took a break from then had to deal with supervisor changes and lord knows I should have been done since however I pray that this is the year I BAG THAT (writing it here to hold myself accountable sha) SO little to no procrastinating on the big and small things.
Overly reminiscing- it makes you stay in the past. I have had a seat down with myself and come to the conclusion I overly reminisce, Yes I have had some great experiences in the past with everything really, and this has me traveling in the past from time to time and while it has been great, it is of no use staying in those moments longer than need be. This sometimes as me overly tolerating things because at one point they worked out for me. I need to realize tat was then and this is now. Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with that trip down memory lane i mean a large chunk of what we are now is due to what we’ve been through but there’s no point in overdoing it really.
Overly complaining, omo I said last lent season I would give up complaining especially about things that are out of my control, that just deprives you of joy and I have come a long way so this goes into one of the tings I would like to drop like a bad a bit! So be it about life and its hurdles, work, relationships or family see enh if it is not something I can change then I leave it be. PERIOD!!
What I would like to start/do more
Travel Travel Travel! I just need to get out of planning and actually doing it. I have always wanted to see other parts of the world but see enh the economy is not smiling, I had a seat down with myself and thought it will never smile so I need to do something about it, it could be small scaled or out there but i really want to do more of that in 2023 andIi look forward to it.
Prioritize more often than not, sometimes I have my mind set on things be it personal goals, professional achievements or more and I tend to fall behind because of my prioritization and that is something I truly plan to work on alongside being more accountability for my goals, decisions (bot good and bad) See enh wen it comes to calling yourself out of your BS its hard but i can only try hey
Being more patient with myself and less harsh on some things, I realize I make hash decisions with myself and there are times i am not soo kind to myself say wen I set a boundary and then somehow don’t follow trough and it ends-up biting me in the A** I then end-up super harsh with myself like you could have avoided that had you stuck to the plan and what not. While this is true I really need to be more mindful of how I speak to myself, yes I am only human after all as much as the ending is always correct there things I cant take back even if t was self said.
Eat more greens, sounds small but lord knows I need to. I am particular with food the older I get the worse it becomes. I love good food and I am a certified foodie but when it comes to the basic I really don’t be liking alot of stuff ie plain rice, pilau, plantains, bananas, ugali, biriani, mashed potatoes, stew in general, greens, like the list is crazy but I have found things that work for me. One of the tings I want to do more this year is more greens alongside more water. Wish me luck sha!
Along with prioritizing rest I want to do more therapy. I find that the times i have done this it as really helped me unpack so many things, look at life in a better way and just made me feel more aligned and at peace. Although we are all used to having to do this after an incident or trigger I would suggest getting to see a therapist before one, it saves you so much BS and trauma. I doubt there is ever the right place to unpack all the stuff the right way but if that’s even possible then it would be to a therapist for sure.
Okay so this is about to make my friends laugh out silly, Connect with nature! Here me out, so I still hate walking no hikes either so I suppose what am saying is find new better cooler ways to connect with nature, whatever this is going to look like I have no idea. I will keep and open mind though…
Lastly I look forward to finding ways where I am more involved with or being able to give back more. This could be in any form or shape but I truly want to be able to do this in whatever capacity possible really.
Okay that about sums it up for me, I look forward to seeing how many of these I drop or pickup as permanent habits again hoping this blog post will hold me accountable. Hope everyone as a great year ahead, until next time…..
Road trip to the rocky highlands of lushoto on a rainy season. Yeap its me guys, i was not kidnaped or abducted or anything of the sort (thats putting it midly, I WAS ABDUCTED because we all know this isnt me at all) but things we do for friendships or rather things friends make us do…
Who would have thought i would firstly survive to tell this tale let alone attempted to, secondly that this would be the mental shake i needed to find the things that truely make me whole again, adventure (maybe less deadly than this), writting passionately and truely enjoying who i have become with entirely no appologies…
The older you get, the harder it gets to define yourself in ways that truly count, if i am being honest, like one minute you carefree and the next your career, your choices, your family all these things need to somehow be correct for you to be correct, so as you go on it sometimes gets cloudy and fogy just like its felt going uphill in this trip, there were times you would see it from a far and at times so upclose its like your driving in Hogwart, school of witchcraft and wizadry (If you do not know what this is, please watch some Harry Potter)
So lets start somewhere, a random idea to go to Lushoto for Easter thanks to my friends and i was on the fence because they are people that get way too excited for outdoor activities and hikes and what not while on the other hand that does not excite me at all. In the end I gave in, thinking this would be a a nice breather, away from the office desk for a bit (lied to myself because the office is also my phone). I had convinced them and myself that they could climb Mt. Lushoto if they need to but i was staying inn more than out, and before you start wondering, no Mt. Lushoto doesn’t exist but you get where I’m going with this??
We drove off quite early hoping to beat the buses on the road there since its already a tricky road according to Hilda who went to school there. My other fascination with this place was that my sister went to school here and my mom wanted me to join so bad and i was so against it, but since we all went to boarding i never got to visit so this was my one chance most likely to see what it was like. We arrived quite early say midday, found a spot to grab a quick lunch and even went grocery shopping since the Airbnb we were to stay in was about 3Km from town.
Here is where it gets interesting, the caretaker of the Airbnb arrived on a bike and we had to follow behind, he then mentioned that a construction caterpillar had been by so the road its a bit of a mess however its no big deal, mind you it has drained and at this point it was drizzling. So up hill we go, and a few minutes later we all started thinking these roads wont work, we tried because we are not quitters hey, it got worse uphill and we got to a point where we were like anh anh I am not trying to die uphill no way! We called the caretaker and he came back and we just told him this was not going to work, a lot of back and forth we all agreed this was a no no! Turning around was nothing short of a miracle and then we at remember me saying 3km away from town? scratch that! remember me mentioning tricky roads? scratch that too, tricky is not close to what these are.
This trip did a number on me I wont lie but so did it open me up again, to living fiercely because what else is life if its not to feel things like this…
I have been seating on this and a few more drafts only because i was not in the head space to creatively write and share what i really love. I am not sure if its this pre 29 stage or just adulthood and all it comes with but I have found the strength to create was minimum and whatever i could master was enough to live not exist. These few days i have been speaking to a longtime friend and it was a bit more consistent than its been for a second and it made me realize a few things and one of them is that I loved the space I was in when I started writing, purely for fun, sharing the best way I know how and enjoying it to the core. I promised myself that the same way certain relationships leave a mark on me, so does my writing and if i can embrace these things then i am fully me in so many ways than i could possibly explain and that is enough….
So i cant promise to do this everyday but i do promise to go back little by little digging deeper for the old me and embracing her and all that adulthood comes with. Here is to more writing joyously because what would the world be without it. Bisou!!!
It’s a big deal! While I might dust off compliments, lightly smile when I get the congratulatory pats and fist bumps. Deep down I’m smug, ‘Yeeeey, I did 21.1 Km AGAIN’ and yes that that point one is a necessary part of this story.
How it started … Back in campus, during my second semester, I lied to my mother that in-campus food was crap, housing was cramped and that I was considering moving to off-campus so I can better take care of myself. Lie because by then I had already moved and was struggling to balance my pocket money since most was in my landlord’s account. Rent in Nairobi can do that to you, especially when you are a student who likes good, tasty food.
My neighbor next door, a sweet soul who went to be one of my closest friends to date took one look at my destitute situation and offered meals whenever I was stranded which was often. Food cooked with love, hefty portions and a variety even on a student budget made our bond stronger, that and the self- honesty that our weight needed pruning.
Together we ventured on the wee hours of 5am running as though our ancestors were coming for us, panting all along, dripping sweat from the get go, and already planning on breakfast and lunch because at 5am I was already craving some chapo smokie (chapati and funny but tasty mini-sausage); off we’d go along the dirt road that went parallel our university campus until we met the tarmac. 3-4 km away.
Let’s go waaaay back … My mother still detest the memories of me under the age of five- i was not only a slow eater but also non-swallower. (get your mind out the gutter, not that swallowing!) I would move food around in my mouth until it went cold, went stale and she would have to ask me to spit out in a dish. At times I just threw up. None of my aunts and cousins chose to feed me because it would be a never ending errand. Oh, and sleep was my best ticket out. I would sleep with food in my mouth while seated on a kigoda or on the mat. Water would be sprinkled on my face. Still I’d sleep on, not swallow my food. Someone would tell an interesting story to get me to stay awake and cooperate. Still I’d sleep with my mouth full. I shudder to think how much I pushed people’s patience. Me who now food loves and vice versa being true.
Then I joined boarding school and my hormones found that my DNA was destined for greater scales. Each kilo began inviting its friends, cousins, neighbors and even enemies. By grade four I weighed past sixty kilos; by form three I was a good eighty two kilos. It showed in my joint waist and tummy locale; adorning sports bras was normal, and sweating even after imagining climbing, let alone actual climbing of stairs. Beginning of school year usually started with a visit to see the general practitioner- do parents still do this where they check your blood sugar, pressure, eye sight and blood infection as if you are reporting for duty on an important mission? – and my school card would be marked well for everything and an additional comment on weight as, ‘obese- needs to lose some weight’
My mother- God, bless her- would not bat an eye. She would send me to school with that very hospital card as though it was a certificate of authentication- All is well, go do them books justice! Her confidence gave me confidence not to think that that comment meant for me to take action. Her confidence meant that I went to school and did those books justice. My new found confidence super charged my hormones such that even with a strict lifestyle that comes with nun-ran schools: a menu of Double Makande Wednesdays, frequent Ugali and Beans, burnt Rice and non-existent vegetables; early waking up hours to morning chores in the piggery unit or cow shed; morning preps; daily morning mass- all these happening in the wee hours before breakfast at 6:30 am- I kept hitting new notes on the scale, hahah!
To date … The Kilimanjaro marathon started a s joke between friends. We wanted to go to Moshi, get a good hotel, party with other out of towners, then trudge along the next day to win a medal. Yes, small goals for young gals like ourselves!
Reality check- Moshi was packed, we had to cram into a hotel manager’s private quarters just to rest our heads for a couple of hours only to wake up and don our cute pink running shoes for the cold morning run. Running while nursing a hangover is no fun. That was my first time running kilimarathon, winning a medal and swearing to do better each time.
Now I run a couple of times a week, 2-3 km a day. Painful to get up on some mornings, especially when it is dry and dusty out there. The perks of living in bushy out of town- mornings tend to be quiet, foggy and bit chilly. Other days I sleep in. And these days can be more that the latter. But when the spirit of running comes calling, i happily answer.
Some say it takes discipline. Some do it for the adrenaline. Others go to clear their heads. And some to get clear thoughts. Mine is to keep a constant scale at where it is now. Where it has been for a while now… maintaining my version of a healthy weight.
It’s bizarre, that’s how I want to start this piece.
Two days ago, my mother got a call late in the night- the kind of phone call that your intuition sparks up, saying, ‘something is not right to someone you care about!’ The kind of call that vibrated through out the house, dragging the last dregs of sleep with it. Our matriarch, remaining bibi, her mother- had been rushed to the hospital and she was breathing via those machines they hook you up on as if you are about to embark on a space adventure, the ones you see in movies and think that would never be reality. Hernia got her there.
Well, my grandmother is also my mother; she was everyone’s mother really, i think when they said it takes a village she took it upon herself to be the village. I am her oldest grandchild, and she raised me fully hands on for the first years of my life until when I was bussed to boarding school over a thousand miles away, and the miles kept pilling higher with time. Over the years, we have had a close relationship. A phone call away, we’d catch up and check on each other; a visit whenever possible. She has been really interested in the kind of life I lead, the choices I make, the kind of young person today’s world has shaped me to be- all this vis a vis the world that shaped her. Her words every time I’d visit were ‘your time is so different, you have so much freedom to do things how you would like them- don’t hesitate for long; live well’. She’s phenomenal- always inquisitive, wanting to know how things work, wanting to know my opinion and wanting to know what my siblings are up to, what my friends are doing, and most importantly if I am as supportive as possible to the people around me.
My mother clearly states that this is not the woman she knew while growing up. Whenever she overhears the conversations between bibi and I or when I tell her bits- she’s in awe saying bibi was never that way with them when they were younger.
See, In her mothering, bibi is known to have been stern and such a disciplinarian ( I see smudges of this rarely), she was a functional mother (not emotional), she did what was needed of her, for her children, for neighbors and friends; very career oriented, she literally pushed her kids to pursue studies and jobs fully- she succeeded (apart from one uncle- there’s always that stray sheep in the family). So speaking to my aunts and uncles, this is how they know and remember her to be- the woman who got things done, and done efficiently- no half half business!
I am glad for both of them.
And now one is gone.
This very afternoon as I was writing up this piece for my sister to consider for her blog… my mom calls saying, ‘hali mbaya, bibi is no more…’ and hangs up.
There’s before …and after.
This kind of grief… I’m yet to find words that will communicate it as close as possible. It’s close to month now since she passed on, some nights I cry myself to sleep, other days I’m a mumbling prayer case asking all the angels and saints to intervene for her and for her in turn to intercede for me.
Grief, I am learning, needs to be lived through. That’s what I am trying to do. I had thirty one years with her- my mother and her siblings had more, and at the core of it all there is the pure memories of the person that I don’t want time to temper with. Hence this piece.
Betty
I have struggled to put this up, i won’t lie. I had months of letting it all sink in and until this day, it still has not.
But today, November 2nd “All saints day” it only seemed right. I feel it within me, its as if she reached out and told me putting this up does not mean farewell for good. That was alwasy my worry, that this would mean she is truly gone.
I still struggle with mentioning her as a past tense, i still catch myself before i reach out on sundays and have the urge to call her number to see if this is some bad dream. My nana was the best, words are never going to be enough, she was deeply rooted and passionate, mkali yet the sweetest, she always had candy for everyone, she was constantly giving with a smile on her face, and that is something i will always remember her by.
Until we meet again nana, we miss and love you dearly.
catracarol 