I have been writing and storing things on drafts for so long, mainly because this year has been such a blur this far, i cant find the words to best describe it and maybe some day i will. Lately i have have found myself to be so blunt, uninterested, uninspired, passion lacking and while before it was this and being busy with school and its demands, this past week or so i have found myself with so much time in my hands and still couldn’t bring myself to do the things i enjoy like to write. I had a conversation with Gelo yesterday, and it somehow led to blogging again and possibly youtube -to which i said anh no, my thoughts are too loud i wouldn’t be able to take stuff back- but it also had me look within as to why i just haven’t done one of the things that gives me so much joy, fulfillment and purpose. Not just with blogging, i have been dragging my reading as well, there was a time a few months ago, i pushed myself and thanks to Julia Queen made it to almost my old self but then now i am baby sitting a book even with the time in my hands. Which is so unlike me.

So after the little corner meeting i called with myself i did realize when certain aspects of my life are uncertain, pending or feel like are out of my control i tend to lean more into my anxious state that then takes away from the cup of purpose, finding joy in the things i enjoy, its a sad realization especially when i always pride myself in finding ways to just be me but sometimes life happens hey and that is okay. Now don’t get me wrong, there is no shame in processing things however one is accustomed to, some things are new to me even at 30 i realize that i am always growing and some days that is all good and i embrace it and other days its a little harder. In conclusion to the talk i had, i then said God let the universe give me a sign, some mental push tomorrow so i can write, it could be good weather so i get to seat outside or it could be a nudge and voila! It has been raining day and night for the past few days, i woke up to some sunshine- the kind that looks like its bright and meant for you, but it wont last long because that was not in the plan, i smiled to myself, started off a slow day, made some late breakfast Carol style, sat outside and started typing and here we are…

I can not say for sure that this will kick start me into being me but i do hope its a step towards the right direction. So here is to me feeling like i just might go back to do this again, here is to me being kind and nice to myself and extending grace, i may or might not tap into my drafts and make magic out of them, i may just write as often as i possibly can, i just might do the things that i absolutely love and enjoy including writing this blog that i started in my 20s on a journey quite as similar to the one i am going through now, it started as a journey to passion, adventure, memories haring and i hope it proceeds that way or dare i hope even more ….

***Bisous Bisous***