Who would have thought i would firstly survive to tell this tale let alone attempted to, secondly that this would be the mental shake i needed to find the things that truely make me whole again, adventure (maybe less deadly than this), writting passionately and truely enjoying who i have become with entirely no appologies…

The older you get, the harder it gets to define yourself in ways that truly count, if i am being honest, like one minute you carefree and the next your career, your choices, your family all these things need to somehow be correct for you to be correct, so as you go on it sometimes gets cloudy and fogy just like its felt going uphill in this trip, there were times you would see it from a far and at times so upclose its like your driving in Hogwart, school of witchcraft and wizadry (If you do not know what this is, please watch some Harry Potter)

So lets start somewhere, a random idea to go to Lushoto for Easter thanks to my friends and i was on the fence because they are people that get way too excited for outdoor activities and hikes and what not while on the other hand that does not excite me at all. In the end I gave in, thinking this would be a a nice breather, away from the office desk for a bit (lied to myself because the office is also my phone). I had convinced them and myself that they could climb Mt. Lushoto if they need to but i was staying inn more than out, and before you start wondering, no Mt. Lushoto doesn’t exist but you get where I’m going with this??

We drove off quite early hoping to beat the buses on the road there since its already a tricky road according to Hilda who went to school there. My other fascination with this place was that my sister went to school here and my mom wanted me to join so bad and i was so against it, but since we all went to boarding i never got to visit so this was my one chance most likely to see what it was like. We arrived quite early say midday, found a spot to grab a quick lunch and even went grocery shopping since the Airbnb we were to stay in was about 3Km from town.

Here is where it gets interesting, the caretaker of the Airbnb arrived on a bike and we had to follow behind, he then mentioned that a construction caterpillar had been by so the road its a bit of a mess however its no big deal, mind you it has drained and at this point it was drizzling. So up hill we go, and a few minutes later we all started thinking these roads wont work, we tried because we are not quitters hey, it got worse uphill and we got to a point where we were like anh anh I am not trying to die uphill no way! We called the caretaker and he came back and we just told him this was not going to work, a lot of back and forth we all agreed this was a no no! Turning around was nothing short of a miracle and then we at remember me saying 3km away from town? scratch that! remember me mentioning tricky roads? scratch that too, tricky is not close to what these are.

This trip did a number on me I wont lie but so did it open me up again, to living fiercely because what else is life if its not to feel things like this…

I have been seating on this and a few more drafts only because i was not in the head space to creatively write and share what i really love. I am not sure if its this pre 29 stage or just adulthood and all it comes with but I have found the strength to create was minimum and whatever i could master was enough to live not exist. These few days i have been speaking to a longtime friend and it was a bit more consistent than its been for a second and it made me realize a few things and one of them is that I loved the space I was in when I started writing, purely for fun, sharing the best way I know how and enjoying it to the core. I promised myself that the same way certain relationships leave a mark on me, so does my writing and if i can embrace these things then i am fully me in so many ways than i could possibly explain and that is enough….

So i cant promise to do this everyday but i do promise to go back little by little digging deeper for the old me and embracing her and all that adulthood comes with. Here is to more writing joyously because what would the world be without it. Bisou!!!